5 reasons why Cucumberism is better than Scientology

[David]

Number 1. There are no payments in cucumberism, yet.
Number 2. Tom Cruise is not a member, and we won't let him join when he asks.
Number 3. Our region makes sense.
Number 4. We have a better website.
Number 5. The cucumber tastes amazing. Scientology does not.

Post your own reasons below!

[nokotin]

Number 6. We don't measure your spirituality using machines.
Number 7. Our religion didn't start out as psychotherapy.
Number 8. A social life is encouraged.
Number 9. Thetans.
Number 10. What kind of a name is L. Ron?

[WonderRalph]

11. We're more than a cheap Star Trek ripoff.
12. Our members don't need psychological rehabilitation.
13. Our suicide rates are virtually non-existent.
14. Our name wasn't coined "as a disparaging term, to indicate a blind, unthinking acceptance of scientific doctrine".
15. We aren't afraid of evil alien overlords.

[nokotin]

16. We don't force abortion on women... or men.
17. Our demographic consisting of mostly white people with money is purely coincidental.
18. Our hands are blood-free.
19. We love everyone including our critics.
20. Can scientologists do this:  ?

[David]

21. We appreciate the mentally challenged, and we even have one in our religion. (Be nice to missionary)
22. We haven't corrupted the minds of millions of people, only around 30.
23. Our religion isn't based on something that happened long long ago in a galaxy far far away.
24. We are allowed to edit wikipedia, and we even have our own.
25. Germany has still not tried to ban us.